第十五章

　　The summer and winter following the "Frost King" incident I spent with my family in Alabama. Irecall with delight that home-going. Everything had budded and blossomed. I was happy. "The Frost King" was forgotten.

　　《冰雪之王》事件之后那一年的夏天和冬天，我是同家人一起在亚拉巴马度过的。我愉快地找到了“归家”的感觉。万事万物都经历了抽枝发芽、竞相怒放的过程。我很高兴《冰雪之王》事件已成为过眼云烟。

　　When the ground was strewn with the crimson and golden leaves of autumn, and the musk-scented grapes that covered the arbour at the end of the garden were turning golden brown in the sunshine, I began to write a sketch of my life—a year after I had written "The Frost King."

　　秋天，大地撒满了深红色和金黄色的树叶。散发着麝香味的葡萄藤遮盖了花园尽头的凉亭。在阳光的照耀下，一串串葡萄变成了金灿灿的红褐色。置身其中，我开始用笔勾勒我的生活——此时已经距我写《冰雪之王》一年有余。

　　I was still excessively scrupulous about everything I wrote. The thought that what I wrote might not be absolutely my own tormented me. No one knew of these fears except my teacher. A strange sensitiveness prevented me from referring to the "Frost King"; and often when an idea flashed out in the course of conversation I would spell softly to her, "I am not sure it is mine." At other times, in the midst of a paragraph I was writing, I said to myself, "Suppose it should be found that all this was written by some one long ago!" An impish fear clutched my hand, so that I could not write any more that day. And even now I sometimes feel the same uneasiness and disquietude. Miss Sullivan consoled and helped me in every way she could think of; but the terrible experience I had passed through left a lasting impression on my mind, the significance of which I am only just beginning to understand. It was with the hope of restoring my self-confidence that she persuaded me to write for the Youth’s Companion a brief accountof my life. I was then twelve years old. As I look back on my struggle to write that little story, it seems to me that I must have had a prophetic vision of the good that would come of the undertaking, or I should surely have failed.

　　此时，我仍旧对我写的任何东西抱着谨小慎微的态度。我写的东西也许并不完全属于我自己——这样的想法深深地折磨着我。除了我的老师，没有人知晓我的恐惧心理。这种神经过敏的古怪心理使我对《冰雪之王》事件这类事敬而远之。因此常会有这样的事发生，在同老师交谈的过程中，当我萌生出一个想法时，我就会对她拼写出这样的句子：“我不太肯定这是我自己的。”另外，当我把某段文字写到中间的时候，我就会对自己说：“你写的这些东西可能早已经被人写过了！”一种戏谑般的恐惧感攫住了我的双手，于是，那一天我会无法再写出任何东西。直到现在，我还能时常感受到同样的忧虑和不安。苏立文小姐想方设法帮我摆脱困境，但是可怕的经历给我留下了难以磨灭的印记，而对于其中的重要意义我也只是刚刚开始理解。为了重新树立我的自信心，老师说服我为《青年之友》写一篇短小精悍的生活自传。那一年我十二岁，回顾起来，那篇小故事的写作过程也经历了一番内心挣扎；我当时一定是对这项工作的结果有了一个良好的预期，否则一定会失败。

　　I wrote timidly, fearfully, but resolutely, urged on by my teacher, who knew that if I persevered, I should find my mental foothold again and get a grip on my faculties. Up to the time of the "Frost King" episode, I had lived the unconscious life of a little child; now my thoughts were turned inward, and I beheld things invisible. Gradually I emerged from the penumbra of that experience with a mind made clearer by trial and with a truer knowledge of life.

　　虽然下笔时有些提心吊胆，战战兢兢，但是在老师的督促下，我写得很坚决。她知道，如果我能够坚持不懈，就一定会再次找到精神的立足点，也一定会重拾写作才能的。直到《冰雪之王》事件之前，我一直生活在一个小孩子的懵懂无知之中。如今，我变得更加内敛，我看待事物的角度更加深入。渐渐地，我从日蚀的阴影中显现出来，在生命的真谛面前，经过了严格考验的心智也变得更加澄澈清明了。