搞笑英语话剧：三打白骨精

来源：实用英语发布时间：2013-01-08 实用英语辅导视频评论

　　Three Times’ Beating Monster
　　
　　人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒
　　
　　J：沙僧
　　
　　B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头

　　T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?
　　S: Bajie,map!
　　E: (摸出，递给S)
　　S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）
　　T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!
　　E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

　　T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west
　　E: But……
　　T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?
　　E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.
　　S: Fat Pig!
　　E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….
　　S: You will what(凶相)?

　　E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).
　　S: Hm!
　　T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?
　　E: You see , boss is hungry,too!
　　T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!
　　J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..
　　T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?
　　S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

　　J: This is…..?
　　S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!
　　T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!
　　S: Bye!(走)
　　T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》
　　B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)
　　B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?
　　

　　J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.
　　
　　B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!
　　
　　T: Bomb?(打出)
　　
　　B1: Double King!
　　
　　T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)
　　
　　S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)
　　
　　B1: （倒)Ah……
　　
　　T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!
　　
　　S: She is a monster!
　　
　　T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

　　S: Oh,please don’t……
　　T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)
　　S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)
　　T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!
　　B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)
　　B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?
　　T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)
　　S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)

　　E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)
　　J: Look,(伸食指)how many?
　　T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)
　　B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)
　　S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)
　　T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!

　　S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!
　　T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!
　　S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》
　　J: boss, brother Monkey is.......
　　T: Don't mention that guy any more!
　　B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

　　T: （惊）You are......
　　B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)
　　B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......
　　S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.
　　T: Wukong?
　　E: Oh,Brother Monkey!
　　J: Our hero is back!
　　T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

　　S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!
　　T: How,how did you find out?
　　S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)
　　T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)
　　S: What?
　　T: I'm sorry.
　　S: Em? Louder,please?
　　T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）

　　(谢幕)

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