40多岁的男人只喜欢20多岁的女孩

来源：实用英语发布时间：2013-01-08 实用英语辅导视频评论

　　We authors work such long hours for such little pay that being invited onto a TV book-interview show is the sort of warm and happy experience we eagerly anticipate.
　　我们这些作家工作时间很长，获得的报酬却少之又少，但获邀参加电视台的读书访谈节目是我们热切期盼的温馨愉快的经历。
　　Being on those shows is usually like being a proud mama at a gathering of ladies all cooing at your new baby.
　　参加这些节目，常常感觉就像是一个自豪的母亲参加女人们的聚会，大家都在满怀爱意地谈论自己刚出生的孩子。
　　Usually.Unless, that is, you were me, recently walking unsuspectingly onto the beautiful set of BTV＊s 控俦, into an ambush masterminded by executive producer Stella Xu. Stella apparently prefers book-interview shows to more resemble reality-TV-style fisticuffs.
　　情况通常都是如此，除非你遇到我这样的情况。前不久，我毫无戒心地登上了北京电视台《书香北京》栏目精美的舞台，走进了该栏目执行制片人徐春昕精心策划的“埋伏”之中。她显然更喜欢访谈型的节目风格，而不是电视真人秀风格的攻击。
　　BTV likes drama, even in its book-interview shows
　　北京台喜欢戏剧性场面，即使是读书访谈节目也是如此。
　　I arrived at BTV and was ushered into the dressing room for make-up. Soon thereafter, Stella walked in with a very self-assured, 询蜓 -type and introduced him as one of the evening＊s hosts. He may not like his name tied online to what I＊m about to say next, so I＊ll just call him询蜓 .
　　到达北京台后，我被领进了化妆间。不一会儿，徐春昕和一个非常自信的“高富帅”范儿的男子走了进来，徐向我介绍说，他是当晚的节目主持人之一。他可能不喜欢他的名字与我接下来要谈的内容联系在一起，所以我就叫他“高富帅”吧。
　　I invited him to sit with me to talk through the format of the show.
　　我请他坐下来与我一起讨论节目的详细安排。
　　※There＊s no need,§ he barked, then wheeled around, and left the room.
　　“没那个必要，”他高声说道，接着就转过身去，离开了化妆间。
　　That should have been my tipoff that something was up.
　　这本应该让我警醒，接下来会有事发生。
　　Next time he addressed me was after the cameras started rolling. 询蜓 went on the attack. He ripped into my book, Do Not Marry Before Age 30, explaining that it＊s unsuitable for Chinese audiences, because successful Chinese men like him 每 in his 40s and never married 每 prefer women in their 20s who worship them. This situation, he explained, makes them feel great about themselves.
　　他再一次和我说话时，已是节目开始录制之后了。“高富帅”继续着他的抨击。他对我的书──《30岁前别结婚》提出了批评，说这本书并不适合中国读者，因为像他这样的成功中国男性（40多岁的钻石王老五）更喜欢崇拜他们的20多岁的年轻女孩。他解释道，这种关系会让他们自我感觉非常棒。
　　Of PYTs and Mr. Bigs
　　关于“漂亮的年轻姑娘”和“大男人”
　　As he spoke, I looked at him, so silver-tongued, so glamorous, so arrogant, and recalled my former 20-something self. I realized that, back then, I would have met this 询蜓 and I would have thought: ※Heaven!§ In my 20s, he was just the type of guy I went for.
　　就在他说话时，我在一旁看着他。眼前这个人能说会道，魅力十足，又如此自负，让我想起了20多岁的自己。我意识到，要是在那时候，我遇上这个高富帅，肯定也会在心里暗自叹道：“天哪！”他正是我在20多岁时所喜欢的那个类型。
　　Indeed, this sort of arrangement 每 young woman and powerful older man 每 feels very -- Chinese, doesn＊t it? Isn't that how it＊s always been in our culture, for thousands of years?
　　确实，这种搭配──年轻女孩与有权有势的年长男人──是非常典型的中国式搭配，不是吗？这不正是我们的文化数千年以来的状况吗？
　　And we still reinforce this kind arrangement. A man picks up a pretty young thing 20 years his junior, and his friends crowd around to congratulate him. A woman bags a Mr. Big, and her girlfriends turn green with envy. A 40-something man walks onto TV and declares that all Chinese men want young women who worship them.
　　而且，我们依然在不断强化这种搭配。男人要是结交了一个小他20岁的年轻漂亮的女孩，他的朋友们就会围过来祝贺他。女孩若是猎获了一个“大男人”，她的女性朋友们都会妒忌得眼红。而在电视上，一个40多岁的男人大声宣称所有中国男人都想拥有崇拜他们的年轻女孩。
　　Submission is not love
　　顺从并不是爱
　　But hierarchy is antithetical to love. Where there is hierarchy between two adults, there can be worship, there can be gratitude, there can be piety, but there can not be love. Throughout history, Chinese society replaced love with submission.
　　但是，等级是与爱情相对立的。两个成年人之间若是存在等级差别，他们之间会有崇拜，有感激，也会有虔诚，但不会有爱情。从古至今，中国社会都用顺从取代了爱情。
　　Given this frame of reference, we can understand the revolutionary nature of true love between a man and a woman. Love could only exist on the edges of our old social order. When true love did spring up, it was forcefully destroyed. The Butterfly Lovers died because they had to die.
　　基于这个参照框架，我们就不难理解男女之间真爱的那种革命性本质。爱情只能存在于旧社会秩序的边缘，当真爱确实出现时，它往往会遭到强力摧毁。梁山伯与祝英台双双因爱而死，因为他们只有死这一条路。
　　Yet the legend lives, as captivating today as it ever was. Because it speaks to the yearning in us all 每 men as well as women 每 to be truly known and loved by another human being, to experience joy and delight in all that makes us human.
　　然而，这个传说却流传了下来，时至今日它依然还一样让人着迷。这是因为它触动了我们所有人──男人以及女人──心中的渴望，我们渴望自己获得另外一个人真正的了解和爱，渴望去体验欢乐，畅享所有使我们成其为人的事物。
　　What is love?
　　什么是爱？
　　In his 1923 book I and Thou, theologian Martin Buber divides all human relationships into two categories. The first is ※I-It,§ viewing the other person as an object, and considering her solely in terms of what she can do for you. The second is ※I-Thou,§ viewing her as a subject, and thus considering her needs as well as your own.
　　在其1923年的著作《我和你》(I and Thou)中，神学家马丁•布伯(Martin Buber)将人与人之间的关系划分为两种形式：第一种是“我-它”关系（“I-It”），将对方视为一个物品，眼里只有对方能为自己做什么；第二种是“我-你”关系（“I-Thou”），把对方看作是一个主体，因此会像了解自己一样地去了解对方的需求。
　　When you see someone as I-It, that＊s not loving her. That＊s just a circular way of loving yourself. An older man wants a younger woman to give him validation. A younger woman wants an older man to give her security, Sometimes in our society, it can seem like everyone uses everyone else, and no one recognizes the specialness of any other person.
　　如果你把与她的关系视为“我-它”关系，那不是爱她，那只是你爱自己的一种迂回方式。年长的男人希望有一个年轻女孩让他自己获得证明，而年轻女孩则希望有一个年长的男人来给予她安全感。在我们这个社会，有时候似乎每个人都在利用其他人，没有人意识到他人的独特性。
　　But that＊s not the way it has to be, and it＊s not the way it should be. We all need validation, and we all need security, but ultimately these are things that we need to give ourselves, as a certain Wall Street guy once rather impolitely explained to a New York 问踢踬.
　　但是，情况不一定非得如此，而且它也不应如此。我们每个人都需要获得证明，我们也都需要安全感，但是归根究底这些东西都需要我们自食其力去获得，正如某个华尔街金融男曾经毫不客气地对一个纽约拜金女如此说道。
　　It is human to love
　　爱是人的天性
　　As we become more independent, we naturally begin to look for more in our relationships. The great reward for letting go our old notions of relationships based on duty is that finally we can achieve the ※I-Thou§ relationships that we yearn for in our souls.
　　随着我们变得更加独立，我们自然会开始在自己的婚姻关系中找寻更多东西。摒弃我们出于责任的旧婚姻观念的丰厚回报是，我们将最终能够实现我们内心渴望的那种“我-你”关系。
　　A man who＊s happy and secure in himself will want a true partner, and will cherish her as she does him. As the 43-year-old me now can attest, there is nothing better than opening your eyes each morning to find the love of your life right there beside you. It can be enough to start your heart singing for the whole new day.
　　一个快乐和自身感到安全的男人会想要一个真正的伴侣，会像她珍惜他一般去珍惜她。正如43岁的我，每天早晨醒来，没有比一睁开眼就看到你生命的挚爱就在你身旁更幸福的事情了。它足以让你在这新的一天中心情愉悦。
　　What we all really need is love
　　我们每个人真正需要的是爱
　　I thought my BTV interview was going to be another baby-adoration session for my book but it turned out to be something much richer. A strenuous clash of ideas - traditional versus modern, male versus female. A fascinating discussion about the nature of love, interspersed with pointed scenes from current TV shows and movies about the modern questions we all ask ourselves.
　　我原以为北京台的这次访谈又会是一个赞赏我作品的场合，但事实证明它的内容要比这丰富得多。它成了一次观念的激烈碰撞──传统与现代，男性与女性之间的观念碰撞；它也是一次让人着迷的有关爱的本质的讨论，其间也穿插了一些关于当下电视节目和电影中某些场景的讨论。
　　The show was skillfully moderated by the fabulous host Li Wenwen.Also joining us was the movie star Liang Jing,who turned out to be as thoughtful as she is beautiful. Even the询蜓 seemed, grudgingly, to have fun. Was he being serious, or pretend-serious, in the chauvinist things he said? Honestly, I＊m not sure. By the end of the show, though, he acknowledged that, yes, what we all really need is love. With that attitude, he 每or the 询蜓 he portrayed 每someday will make someone a fine husband.
　　主持人李文文巧妙地主持了此次访谈，影星梁静也加入了我们的讨论，她不仅人长得漂亮，而且还很有思想。不得不承认，就连“高富帅”似乎也很开心。他在说起那些大男子主义的东西时是认真的还是假装认真的？说实话，我并不确定。不过，到了节目将近结束之时，他也承认我们每个人真正需要的是爱。持有这种态度的话，他，或者是他表现出的“高富帅”，会在某一天成为一个好丈夫。（点击此处可以观看完整的节目，希望你会喜欢）
　　And by the way, if you＊re the sort of man who likes a woman with opinions, the comments section below might be a good place to find her!
　　顺便说一句，如果你是那种喜欢有想法的女孩的人，文章的评论区或许是一个找到她的好地方。
　　*This column was originally written by the author in English. Hear her reading it aloud by clicking here.
　　本文作者陈愉是前洛杉矶华裔副市长、畅销书作家，著有《30岁前别结婚》。她已婚，并有两个可爱的女儿。您可以通过www.joychenyu.com与她交流。文中所述仅代表她的个人观点。
　　Joy Chen is a Chinese-American former Deputy Mayor of Los Angeles and author of the best-seller 'Do Not Marry Before Age 30.' She also is a wife and mother of two young daughters. Visit her at www.joychenyu.com. The opinion is her own.