我们再来看学生习作的例子。话题是面向孩子的广告是否应该被允许。所选段落修改自学生作文,主要增加了若干逻辑连接词(以黄色标记出来),使得整个段落的行文变得流畅了许多。来源:考试大
The first danger would be that it will pose a heavy financial burden on families with kids. This is because, young children can be easily attracted by advertisements, and then they would request or even force their parents to buy them what they see on advertising. Unfortunately, most families have only one child and parents always spoil their kids; for this reason, children's demands are normally fulfilled. In addition, prices of products advertised on TV commercials are frequently higher than those of other normal commodities, so that the financial burden will be much heavier.
代词的正确使用
在“连贯与衔接”的第二种实现方式“概念重复及指代”中,最需要予以关注的是代词的正确使用。因为,由于受到母语负迁移的影响,中文代词使用的不严格会诱使学生频频出错。集中学习并立即改正这些错误对于很多考生而言迫在眉睫。
第一个最常见的错误是一个句子中代词的频繁转换,即所谓pronoun shift。典型的例子是“When one searches on the Internet, you will potentially get onto illegal websites, which will cause negative consequences to us.”在这句话中one,you和us未能保持一致,让考官不知所云。应该修改为“When searching on the Internet, we may potentially get onto illegal websites, which will cause negative consequences to us.”
第二种常见错误是代词在“性”上未能与被指代对象保持一致,这在学生的口语中也是常见问题。比如学生所写这句话“Studying in a co-educational school, a girl may concentrate more on popular boys, which may cause ignorance of his study.”显然,his的出现与句子主语a girl是不相符合的,应该改为her。
第三种错误是代词在“数”上未能与被指代对象保持一致。在“Girls are easy to be persuaded to buy cosmetics, because she always wants to be pretty.”中,主语是girls,为复数,但是原因状语从句中的代词却是she。改正的方法便是将she改为they体现“数”的一致,同时将wants改为want,实现从句内部的主谓一致。最终结果为“Girls are easy to be persuaded to buy cosmetics, because they always want to be pretty.”。
第四种错误是“格”出了问题,最常见的情况是本该用形容词性物主代词(比如their),结果误用了代词的主格或宾格(比如用成了they或者them),或者在主格和宾格之间未能区分清楚(比如分不清they和them)。一个典型的例子是“Some graduates are proud of their diplomas; however, companies regard they as nothing.”。句中regard后面应接宾语,所以they应该改为them才对。
第五种错误与反身代词的使用有关。反身代词表示“某人自己”,比如“Many children are addicted to computer games and they cannot control themselves at all.”教学中笔者发现,学生清楚这种用法,但是不会表达“某人自己的”这个概念,总是说“Teenagers cannot control themselves behaviours”。这句话中,themselves要改为their own才能体现出“某人自己的”这层意思。因此,考生在作文时要格外留意这个小点。
结语:
不同于汉语的“意合”,英文处处体现“形合”,即内在连接往往体现在外在的连接手段上。所以,考生要牢固掌握最基本的“连贯与衔接”实现手段,让自己的雅思作文在该评分项目上稳获高分。
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